Despite being remembered as being sweet as apple pie, I was still an outcast throughout my high school years. I was an easy scapegoat for people to gossip about because of course talking about others is so entertaining, right? None of the rumours really got to me except one that was sexual in nature. We live in a time where there's a gradual shift in power between men and women but men still have dominance in most spaces. When a male demeans a female sexually, his social status rises and hers falls. I'm always one to turn the other cheek but a girl has the right to defend herself, especially when her reputation was attacked publicly. Since we're tip toeing around the idea of honour here I'll just throw it out there that looking down on promiscuity is a bs medieval concept. It's about time we respect everyone no matter how they choose to live their lives. In Islam, there's a story about a prostitute who did nothing in her life that was considered honourable in God's eyes other than giving water to a starving dog with her shoe. According to Islamic history, that act alone granted her Heaven.
"A good man treats women with honour."
- Prophet Mohammed (pbuh)
I strongly dislike the expression "common sense" because it implies that there's only one form of reasoning that is correct. People who say "common sense isn't so common these days" don't realize that the computers they use to type those comments were made by people who lack "common sense". I'm viewing the world from a completely different lens. My mind is anything but common and my sensing gift is the 6th sense.
Knowing what I know now, looking back, now I understand why certain people may have misread my intentions. Boundaries, like I've mentioned previously, are not my forte. I was paired up with a boy for a high school group project. I can't remember why we decided to work on it at my place but that's where we ended up. There was a lot going on in my house so I didn't want my home life to interfere with our assignment. I took him to my room and then we made intense eye contact. That's all that happened. I was a teenager with raging hormones too but even if I wanted to act on it, I wouldn't have known what to do. My strict catholic upbringing instilled fear in me of breaking it's moral code by doing something with someone I wasn't marrying. I was also secretly seeing an older guy who at the time, was an escape from reality.
In case you were wondering, yes, I did like him. He was the only guy I crushed on at that school but that only lasted until the next morning when he lied by telling everyone I performed fellatio on him. He blew it, not me. I didn't even believe my girls when they first told me. That's how highly I thought of him. The most incredible part is that I forgave him the second it happened, even though he never apologized for it. I understand psychology too well. I know why he did it. I know he regrets it. What he doesn't know is that people started calling me every unflattering name in the book afterwards. Still, I was never angry about it but he did hurt me to the core; my rotten core. I knew we were on different levels emotionally and socially so it would have never happened between us anyway. Besides, at the time he was probably only looking for something as temporary as a candy apple. Here's the thing, I knew who he was deep down despite my friends hating him for what he did. He's not what he did to me. He's who he showed me he really was the day before. Till this day, he's still in my good books. He was the apple of my eye, even if just for a day. I'll never compare him to other guys because that's like comparing apples to oranges. There were lots of guys who mistreated me in high school who ended up in my inbox later on. That's always how the story goes I guess. A book a day keeps the bad apples away.
Autistics have a very forgiving nature. Aspie females are more likely to end up and stay in unhealthy relationships because of social isolation, lack of support, inability to stand up for themselves, not recognizing the signs of abuse, and for forgiving (but not leaving). I used to view myself as weak because I couldn't find it in my heart to hate. I've lashed out before, but I can't retaliate how others have. I'm always trying to see the best in people and understand where they're coming from. Isn't this the kind of force our world desperately needs?
"Women are not created weaker but more generous than men. They are created more beautiful and less fierce, as beauty hates to hurt and harm others. That is why they seem weak to people, but in reality they are not. Angels are the strongest of created beings, and women are closer to the angelic nature than men, as they are readier than men to carry angelic light."
- Prophet Mohammed (pbuh)
The forbidden fruit was never an apple, it was temptation. Women can tempt you, but above all, we will always forgive you.