I haven't had any backlash about my latest posts but I figured after the fact that they may have given my readers an inaccurate impression of me so I'm writing this to clear the air. First off, I wouldn't have gotten to where I am if I had done anything I wasn't supposed to. I'm very analytical and skillfully plan every step, no matter how impulsive I may appear. I struggle with non-literal communication so my poor attempts at sarcasm can be misconstrued. I've never been involved in criminal activities nor have I ever been involved with anyone who was involved with criminal activities.
I'm as straight of an arrow as they come. Almost too straight. I'm learning to accept the ying and yang in life. A trait of young autistic girls is "schoolyard policing" meaning they point out morality issues of their peers and may involve themselves in situations, unsuccessfully. Personally, as a child I always kept to myself on the schoolyard and wrote alone in my little corner. Aspie girls/women also have a trait called an "enlarged justice gland" which can be very useful in society when directed properly. We don't like cruelty, injustice, or dishonesty. Many of us have become lawyers, FBI agents, detectives, and so forth. Despite being a truthseeker, I will never throw anyone under the bus, don't worry. When I mentioned controlling the good or the bad I was referring to character. I see personalities everyday in all types of environments who intimidate and protect in the same breath. Everyone has an energy and it's about learning to channel it properly.
Autistics are the last people who should be numbing themselves with toxins because of our sensitive brain wiring. I don't smoke, do drugs, or drink. I don't even consume caffeine because it elevates my heart rate too much causing me severe anxiety. I've worked in an environment where I was exposed to the effects of substance abuse so I'm very familiar with its symptoms. Comparing autism to intoxication is like comparing when a diabetic attack is confused for intoxication.
When I started my blog a few years back, I was treading carefully not to be "too much". I've always been honest but I'm starting to get real honest. My straightforwardness is a characteristically autistic trait that can be shocking or refreshing, depending how you want to look at it. It's never meant to offend or hurt. I have followers who get me right off the bat but some neurotypicals may need more time to get to know me. My online persona is very different from meeting me in real life. When I write I can come off as harsh, intense, and even rude. If you meet me in person you'll see that I'm soft-spoken, calm, and polite. The only thing that's been throwing me off my game lately is my cptsd symptoms which include flashbacks, exaggerated startle response, nightmares, insomnia, etc. I'm done battling my demons, we're on the same side now. I'll use my trauma to help others through theirs. I'm going to take a break from social media for a bit and focus on my writing because that's what's helping me make sense of this confusing world. I won't be responding to my messages as frequently, if at all.
"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."
Thank you for all your support and look forward to seeing you on the other side (the bright side) of life! The best is just arrow-nd the corner!