One of the main reasons autistic boys are diagnosed earlier is because it's easier to spot their difficulties with emotional regulation. Girls are better at keeping up with appearances. We're not called chameleons for nothing. Autism isn't a behavioural disorder but that doesn't stop people from branding autistic kids as brats, rude, and disobedient. I'm compliant to a fault but I struggled with authority that didn't respect me. Methods that work with neurotypicals will not work with autistics. You cannot lock horns with an autistic child. Autistic children respond well to logic and good character.
“These children often show a surprising sensitivity to the personality of the teacher. They can be taught but only by those who give them true understanding and affection, people who show kindness towards them and yes, humor. The teacher's underlying attitude influences, involuntarily and unconsciously, the mood and behaviour of the child.”
- Hans Asperger
Only a mind like mine would instinctively know that. Hans knew what was up because he was one of us.
“The teacher must have to become autistic”
- Hans Asperger
Alexithmya is the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. I very rarely had outbursts but I remember feeling uncomfortable all the time without knowing why. I used to think that expressing negative emotions in any kind of way was bad, so I suppressed them. They always resurfaced in my dreams, the only place were I could make sense of what I was feeling because I had a visual image of what was happening in my psych. A lifetime of thinking that you're a good kid but being labelled as bad takes a toll on you. I had a telling dream at about 8 or 10 years old.
Dream: I was wearing a white prairie dress. I was smiling. I looked like an obedient and angelic child. I looked in the mirror and was horrified to see that my reflection was evil. I was wearing a black dress and giving my original self a deadly stare.
When you dream about seeing your reflection, what you see in the mirror is how you perceive yourself. I went to church on Sundays. I prayed and read the Bible regularly. I wasn't mean to anyone. Still, deep down I felt like I was a bad kid because I wasn't being genuine. There was a side of me I felt was not acceptable to show. I was struggling with something but couldn't communicate it. My outer appearance didn't match what I was feeling and it made me think that something was wrong with me. I couldn't be my true self. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the furthest from herself of all?