Alpha dogs carry a bad rep but they're not all bad. Dominant personalities are who we need when s*** hits the fan. I used to associate type-A personalities with those who've intimidated me. What I found out about them is that when uncentered, they can be your worst nightmare. If they feel threatened by you in any kind of way, steer clear. When they are centred, they can be your greatest allies. These people need to be in control, whether it's to control the good or bad. Being autistic, we are disadvantaged when it comes to reading people's intentions. On the flip side, we can learn to scan people quickly to get a good idea of their temperament. Knowing how someone thinks is an invaluable tool that will prove itself useful throughout your life. The second most helpful skill is to learn how to tap into people's strengths. The reason people don't get along is because they focus on each other's weaknesses. A type-A, no matter how much of a bully people think they are has the ability to protect if they are centred and made aware of another's weakness. When I talk about being centred, I mean existing in a neutral state; not feeling attacked or being defensive.
In the animal kingdom, the alpha male chooses his partners and no other pack member questions it. Humans, on the other hand, have developed a more civilized mating ritual. People choose partners based on all sorts of reasons: physical prowess, wealth, status, education, common interests, personality, and character. As much as I'm not "basic" as kids call it these days, I'm still female. My immature teenage self (my lower self) selected someone based on physical prowess and personality. It's no wonder I ended up with an a**hole.
I recently agreed to be on good terms with him on the condition that I could write about us in a way that would be used for the greater good. He has thick skin, don't worry. He can handle the punches. As much as he's known as "THE A**hole" between my friends and I, the truth is that he protected me a lot of times and no matter what happened between us, I'm forever indebted to him for that. I'm not saying I owe him anything. I owe him nothing but I recognize his purpose in my life. His purpose was to be an a**hole. He toughened me up. He covered up for me. He defended me. He got into a fight for me. He put up with me. God knows, he probably broke the law for me too.
We did have good times but no amount of good things I saw in him can take away from the fact that he mistreated me. It was only after I stepped out of the flames that I acknowledged that his actions were a reflection on his own insecurities. He's not insecure anymore, but he's still kind of an a**hole. An a**hole with a good heart. I don't treat him as poorly as you may think. I'm actually pretty easy on him compared to before. I think we'll always have a love-hate relationship but never again a romantic one. He's changed for the better, not for me.
Like I've mentioned in my previous post, forgiveness is key. Nobody is perfect. Not everyone is born with the same opportunities. We all come from different places yet society sets unattainable expectations for everyone. The most compassionate people in my life have suffered or made mistakes.
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
- Khalil Gibran
When you're barely holding on, you can't always reach out to someone who's holding a silver spoon.
[this blog post was approved by THE A**hole]